When my body dies…

(To dispel any instant assumptions, I will preface this with: I am not sick. I am not depressed or suicidal. So now…)

Death is as age-old as birth. And in my belief, you can’t have one without the other. It’s natural. It’s created as part of the cycle for all organic things. Our bodies die because they are designed to. Our bodies need to die, as much as they need to live. That is their job. Their work. Their creation.

make a wish and send it to heaven

When my cycle brings me to that point of my job, my work, my creation… when my cycle brings me to the death of my body… my friends, I want you to know:

I’m sorry. I’ve tried to apologize throughout the years for hurt I’ve caused, but sometimes there are things I didn’t realize I did or said that hurt you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t aware enough to recognize that. Sometimes I perhaps actually didn’t do something that you may truly, truly believe I did, and with those times, I’m so sorry you felt hurt, unheard, unseen, unsafe, or uncared for. Sometimes, too, there is hurt I’ve caused of which I AM aware, and I haven’t found the readiness to “go there” yet. Sometimes my own heart is hurting over the situation and I need to allow it the time it needs to mend before I can apologize for my part in it. But I am sorry, for all of that hurt. I hope you feel our love.

I forgive you. (I already did, long ago.) There is not one thing, not one single thing, for you to feel guilt, shame, or sorrow over. You didn’t and don’t need to do anything for my forgiveness. You have it. I hold no anger, no resentment, no bitterness towards you. Please forgive yourself. I hope you feel our love.

I won’t leave you. (You know I’m a bit of a magical little imp in this area!) Close your eyes and you will see me, hear me, and/or feel me. I will send you signs when you ask me to. I will be a wonderful listener. I will be at your celebrations (send me an invitation!) and anytime you want to share something with me, please do! When you want me to be around, I want SO MUCH to be! And be on the lookout, because you know I’ve always enjoyed a good April Fools prank. 😉 I won’t leave you. I’m yours. I hope you feel our love.

You are going to be okay. Let your feelings be what they are. Let your thoughts run away. Let whatever happens happen. Then go to bed. Sleep. Get up and have a glass of water. Put some healthy fuel in your body and step out into the sunshine. Even if it’s -16 degrees outside. Feel the sunshine, feel the zip of the air, feel the earth turn. And go get moving on your day. Sweet love, I know not every day is a good day. Some days are horrible. But you ARE going to be okay. Every time you’re NOT becomes a tool in your toolkit. You take that shitty moment, shitty day, shitty event, and you stick it in your toolkit, because at some point down the road, it is going to help you with something else. It is going to be just what you needed to tackle some other thing. Guaranteed. You can see this in every bad thing that’s happened to you in the past. You might have to really TRY to find how it was helpful, but if you keep trying, you will find it’s gift. Every single thing. And this bad day, bad week, bad whatever – it is now a tool, and you are an insanely talented creator. You are the badassiest contractor in town. Use your tools and I promise – you are going to be okay. I hope you feel our love.

I love you. You are so, so precious to me. A joy for me! One of my greatest blessings. My heart pours out to you. I am so grateful for you. I’m so grateful for sharing this space and time with you. You fill me. You fill me. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I hope you feel our love. ∞

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