3 Ways to Clear Emotions Which Are Not Yours

Smooth sailing as I drove down the highway headed home. The sky was babiest of blues, with tufts of white feathery clouds. The day was slow, easy, lovely. Except… I was full of rage.

It didn’t make sense! There was no reason for anger! I’d spent my work day with honey-sweet people in a sleepy little town in southern Iowa. Nothing was amiss; there were no extremes in life. And yet, I felt so furious that I found myself wanting to roar! Consciously, rationally, I knew that not only was there no reason for it, but it didn’t even feel like it was coming from me. There was only one possibility I could think of: I was carrying somebody else’s pain.

Getting help

I called a friend of mine who, at the time, was my go-to whenever I was experiencing emotions that didn’t feel like mine.  “Can you clear me? I don’t know what’s going on. I’m so angry, but there’s no reason for it.”

She talked to me for a few minutes, calmly, chatting with me about other things so as to distract me from the feeling. Meanwhile, psychically (“remotely” as we call it in Reiki) she cleared the anger from me. Within minutes I felt totally relieved of it. It was like someone had taken an invisible squeegee to my chest, scraping off a bucket of black tar and leaving me sparkly and clean. I knew then and there that I needed to learn how to do that for myself.

Here’s the deal: feelings and emotions are energy.

They exist, and because they have no physical form to which they have to adhere, they can float, move, and be directed anywhere, anytime. Emotions don’t have to be mindful of the rules we humans have created about space and time; they can appear in any place, at any time, and even weave and split through dimensions. They can, consciously or unconsciously, be transferred from one person to another. Heads up to those who relate to the terms “empath” or “highly sensitive person” – this can create a challenge for folks like us, because we are created and tuned in a way that we experience all types of energy – those of our own and those of others (including plants, animals, spaces, elements, etc. – which is a whole other post).

Over the years, I’ve learned a few really cool techniques for clearing energy. Depending on the circumstance, I might choose one technique over another. I always tune in to my intuition to help me determine what will be most helpful at any given time. I recommend for you to do the same.

Here are a few of my favorite techniques for clearing other peoples’ energy off and out of my own energy field.

1. Clearing statements
2. Reiki
3. Visualization with intention

1. Clearing statements. A clearing statement is, in a nutshell, spoken intention. In using one, a person creates a phrase that removes a thought, belief, or feeling from her/himself, and can do so out loud or silently. The way I usually word a clearing statement to remove someone else’s energy or emotion from me might sound like this:

“Every part of this anger that is not mine, I totally and completely release it now. I clear all of it from my energy field and from my body, and release it down into Mother Earth to be neutralized and transmuted into something beautiful. I also seal and solidify my protective surrounding and block any additional energy from entering.”

2. Reiki. When I’m experiencing energy or emotions that aren’t mine, I like to call on my Reiki training. Again, depending on what I’m feeling, and always using my intuition, I might place my hands in the positions over the heart chakra, throat chakra, or around my head, and begin Reiki with the intention of clearing and releasing what is not mine, healing what is mine, and protecting myself from more incoming.

3. Visualization with intention.  Because I’m highly visual in my mind’s eye, this is one of my staples. It also works fantastically well when I do it for other people remotely (from a distance). If you are strong with clairvoyance (seeing images in your mind) or find it easy to participate in guided meditations or visualizations, this one may be very easy for you to use.

To do it: create quiet space for yourself and close your eyes.  In your imagination or mind’s eye, bring yourself to see the space around your heart, head, throat, wherever you’re experiencing the emotion or sensation that is not yours. You might see the energy that is not yours in some form – perhaps as particles, strings or strands, a block or wall around your head/heart, etc. or you might not see it.

Imagine that all of the energy that is not yours is being cleared from you – you might see yourself sweeping or combing through your energy field or you might visualize a shower of silver or golden light or water cleansing down you from above. Whatever image comes to mind for you is perfect. Visualize the space around you, on you, and within you being cleared and cleansed of all that is not yours and all that is not needed, and imagine it washing down a drain at your feet, into the earth.

Once when doing this remotely for someone who had been in a bad mood all day, I had to energetically chip away at what seemed like hard clay all around her head. Later, without telling her exactly what I’d seen or done in my mind’s eye, she told me that her head felt much lighter and clearer, and the bad mood was gone. Another friend, who was experiencing overwhelming sadness that was not hers, reported instantly feeling it lift when I clairvoyantly swept through the energy around her head, raking my fingers through, collecting all that was not hers and removing it.


The most important ingredient in all of these techniques is intention. Intention is making a conscious decision. It is believing that what you are doing is actually working and making a difference. It is acknowledging something as True. Things done with intention are more potent, so if you remember nothing else when the time comes to clear, remember that using intention is the key to releasing anything that is not yours and does not serve you.

Try these out and let me know how they work for you!

♥ Amber

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They Told Her She Needed to Lose Weight

The other day I did a reading for a teenage girl. A brilliant sunny yellow light shone in my mind’s eye – the bright light of her soul. I told her how I felt like that represented the way other people see her – bright and sunny, always smiling and friendly. She smiled and nodded.

Then the yellow started to transform… It muddied, and turned into this putrid yellow-green color. I gently asked, “This isn’t how you see yourself though, is it?” Her face fell and she shook her head. Again gently I asked, “What is it that you’re beating yourself up about?

Her eyes brimmed and she quietly said, “My weight. My parents are pressuring me to lose weight.

I looked at this bright, beautiful girl with all the potential to bring joy to the world, who is such a shining light, and I was so overcome with compassion and love and such sadness for the wound she’s carrying wide open right now.

Her grandmother came through with love and support and held up the mirror showing their similar struggles of others inflicting them with some beliefs that weren’t naturally theirs – about beauty and creativity. She was pouring out admiration to her granddaughter, and I found myself gushing them out to her. “You are so beautiful. You have beautiful eyes. You have beautiful hair. You are so beloved. You are PERFECT.

I remember moments in my own life where feeling that there was something wrong with my appearance showed up. I can remember back to 5 years old when I had to get glasses. And when I was 8 years old receiving a comment about my outfit being too small for me. I can remember being called “chunky” by relatives. And “ugly” by classmates.

It takes just one comment to steal self-worth away from a child.
One comment to change where a young woman’s values and focus for herself are.
One comment to shatter a child’s view of themselves and their worth.

We can’t do that.

I’m not saying that softly; I will not let it be said softly, so I’ll say it again.


I’ve been sitting with it since then. Sitting with the emotions, sitting with the messages, sitting with the compassion for this beautiful girl, and sitting with this fire in my belly that we HAVE to do better than this. We HAVE to do better for our girls.

NO MORE telling our girls they need to lose weight. It sends the message: You are not what I want you to be. Which sends the message: I don’t love you as much as I could love you. Which sends the message: You are not good enough to be loved completely.

NO MORE name-calling, even if it’s in jest, even if it’s in “their best interest”.

You want to talk about health? Then we’d better be bringing mental and emotional health into the picture. If you’re going to tell a girl that she’s overweight and needs to start exercising or watching what she eats, and not see her full picture of how devastating that will be on her mental and emotional health, then be prepared to watch her as she dives into rocky relationships with manipulative, controlling, and abusive partners (or she herself becoming manipulative, controlling, and abusive), into depression, into substance use, into obsessive or extreme eating habits, into resentment which will play out in serious physical illness, medications, therapy, and/or passive-aggressive ties with you. Be prepared to wound her deeper than you can imagine.

NO MORE wounding our girls! We HAVE to do better!

Which also means we HAVE to do better for women. NO MORE nit-picking women’s bodies. NO MORE labeling women. NO MORE judging who is beautiful and who is not by the size she wears or the shape of her bust or waist or hips or legs or lips or ANYTHING ELSE. Why are we still doing this? NO MORE wounding our women! We HAVE to do better.

Which means we HAVE to do better for ourselves. Where are you chiding yourself? Where are you nit-picking yourself? Where are you name-calling yourself? Where are you claiming to the world: “I am NOT beautiful. I am NOT worthy of complete love.” Where are you telling yourself that? NO. MORE.

No more.

Be kind to yourself, please?

Where, on your body and in your heart and in your life are you GORGEOUS? How do you SHINE? Where in life are you AMAZING? What about you is FREAKING INCREDIBLE? It’s there. Yes it is. You are amazing. And beautiful. And a blessing in this world. Can you acknowledge that please?

And the next time you pass by another woman, and she is looking radiant and confident and sure of herself in the world, can you please think, “Wow, she is amazing. She is beautiful. She is such a blessing in this world.

And the next time you pass by a young woman, and she has rainbow-colored hair and torn knees in her jeans and piercings from chin to brow, can you please think, “Wow, she is amazing. She is beautiful. She is such a blessing in this world.

And the next time you pass by a little girl, and she has glasses and messy hair and her belly rounds out her t-shirt, can you please think, “Wow, she is amazing. She is beautiful. She is such a blessing in this world.

And will you tell them that, please?

Let’s make this a mission, Earth Angels. Let’s make it a mission to see Beauty everywhere, in everything, in everyone. Let’s make it a mission to FEEL Beauty in every facet of ourselves and others.

Let’s make it a mission to BE Beauty, by shining our amazing, blessed lights, from the inside, out.

Happy Woman in the Light

P.S. As a side note, I talked with that teenage girl about her Empathic quality of inheriting beliefs and emotions that are not actually hers. When someone dislikes something about us, it’s not about us. We’re just a mirror to something they don’t like about themselves. We’re triggering their own insecurities. When we understand this about ourselves, we no longer have to allow other peoples’ “stuff” in. We can begin to deflect it instead of adopt it.

As I explained this to her, I watched her physically and energetically completely lift and lighten. She was now sitting up straight and smiling. I said to her, “You know that you’re not the problem, and you don’t have a problem. YOUR problem is that everyone else has a problem.” We both laughed, and I saw and felt this exhale of relief from her. I asked her, “You feel lighter now, huh?”

Big smile, big sigh, “Yes.

Big exhale. Big smile. Mission: Accomplished. YES.

She will be in my heart for a long time.

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